just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
