wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
