Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
