my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
you didnt know i had herpes?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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