ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
