I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He did a backflip because drugs
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