all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
