____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I haven't been this sober since birth.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
