Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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