So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
