Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
