I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
