Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
These tits shall not be calmed
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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