i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
