i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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