Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
