I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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