god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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