....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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