There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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