I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
