she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
