shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
