He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
no, he came in my armpit
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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