You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
