the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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