She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
