I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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