Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
