oh god the rape fog is back!
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
