Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
