The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
