It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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