Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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