I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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