I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
