drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
