Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
