called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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