she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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