Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
