96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
