Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
