I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
