Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
