I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Pants are for mortals
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
