I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
