someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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