My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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