Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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